My best sex tip:

gyKurdZrlQmLw4DbvjEgr8OqlFnclGXAV-C2Qltl42k,qruaqq6c7zs72pUMeiUzrS0xDF3s824WOZY207AkjRAAnd I’m starting out with it! I’m not in the mood to write half an article leading up to this and I don’t want you to have to wait half an article to get to the point either! i know what you girls like 😉 results NOW!

It does get much much more interesting though 😉 so keep reading.

My best sex tip:

Have sex ONLY when you want to.

We want men to like us. (I actually can’t think of a time when I didn’t want boys to like me. Good old W.W. in kindergarten, or my parents’ opera singer friend E. two of my first crushes)  This desire for us often gets triggered when we’re in the middle of sex and don’t feel like continuing.

or when we just don’t feel like having sex and he does… yikes.

or when he’s doing something that doesn’t feel quite comfortable or good to us.

Has this ever happened to you?

Guilt comes up for wanting to stop. We feel bad.

And then often comes fear. with all the scary thoughts.

  • Will he be angry at me? That’s a big one.
  • What will he think? Am I not giving him what he needs? Isn’t this one of his primary urges? Am I cutting him off from that?
  • or thoughts like this:  Does he think I don’t like him? or that he’s not doing a good job? or that he’s bad in bed? Will he think I’m cold and frigid?
  • and the most heart wrenching of all: If I don’t, will he leave?  will he go away?  Maybe even find someone else?

Often these thoughts and feelings overwhelm us so much, they COMPLETELY take us out of the moment and into our heads. our fears.

Then we don’t know what to say to a man, because there is so much going inside that we unintentionally push him away by snapping or getting distant. Cold. Quiet. Cut off.

How do we tell a man we don’t want to have sex with him? turn him down. That is scary for a lot of us!

(and p.s. i know many women are scared to turn down a man for a date! let alone sex with your beloved)

Until I started to take real care of myself and treating myself with the respect I require from a man, this conversation would have been hard.

And really, if we’re honest we feel upset with ourselves too – like what happened a minute ago?  I felt so into it!   I wanted to have sex? what’s up with me? (what’s wrong with me?)

Often we feel so crappy with ourselves that we end up pushing a man away and getting super cold and distant ourselves!

We HAVE  to stop in this moment. Otherwise resentment starts to build. For him and for you. Even worse. Because deep down, we know we need to listen to the part of us that says “Stop.” That says, “darlin’, something is off.”

And if we are really in tune with ourselves…and yet keep going, we don’t feel good after. We feel pretty rotten. I know I HAVE.

Self betrayal is THE WORST. And it has made me feel like anything but a prize.  and much less of a woman.

So Check in with yourself before you say anything. What is really going on. How are you feeling?

Remember you MUST take care of you first. Trust your feelings. trust your body. If it doesn’t want to have sex.  feel that.

Is it because it needs to rest, because it would prefer something else? maybe just to be held? to talk? to tell him about that thing that’s been turning you off? (please do so in a way he can hear and respond to you…if you need help let me know)

So Stick to this guideline.

It is super easy and super simple.

Have sex ONLY when you want to. FOR as long as you want to.  And IN THE WAY YOU WANT TO.

Then you can stay authentic and totally cravable to him…even if you’re not having sex. And you’ll feel good because you stayed true to you.

Men will see you as more of a prize because you are listening to your heart and focused on you (one of the key fundamentals of femininity). And what does a man want to do especially during sex? to please you!

What does he want after sex? to please you!

How can he please you if your don’t show him the real you!

And certainly how can he please if you don’t communicate what’s going on for you?

I promise you World War 3 will not start…

Saying yes to having sex when you don’t want to, and pretty much doing anything you don’t want to, is just another form of people pleasing. Trying to please a man. Putting what you think his needs are before yours. Going inside of his head to feel things out instead of staying in your body, your heart.  That won’t get you anywhere in love. No where except backwards.

I’ve had women write me telling me that they want to be sex goddesses.  Well, look at the second word of that. GODDESS. To me this is a woman who is so so into herself, so in charge of herself, so loving of herself that NO ONE I mean NO ONE comes 😉 before she does. I just made a joke, I hope you giggled.  In all honesty, goddesshood is achieved with the power that lies inside you. The worth. The self esteem. No true sex goddess is without those.

Without the word goddess, sex is just sex. And that is NOT what men are looking for.  They’re looking to make love to the goddess inside of that beautiful body. Because she deserves to be worshipped. to feel good. And she deserves all the love in the world.

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