“How to go from hard and prickly to soft and irresistible.”

 at home sitting on bedWe can be really harsh sometimes…

Hardened. Tight. Tense.

It feels crappy. And it’s not sexy.

Not a great combo. Especially in the love department.

Can you imagine a man feeling turned on by a scowling, prickly woman?

Or let me phrase it this way…

Would you feel turned on by someone who is scowling and prickly?   Not so much.

So let’s turn this around.

And fast.

Usually when you are feeling tense, tight, harsh, prickly there’s something behind it.

Many times, it comes as a sign that you don’t approve of something/someone/some behavior/some action.

And certainly this pops up from time to time with a man. Right?

He didn’t take out the garbage again!

He was 45 minutes late!

He just looked at another woman and now he wants to put his arm around me and kiss me!

And yes, all of these would and have made me feel horribly annoyed and very very prickly.

But this tight, hard, harshness actually pushes a man away.

When that’s the opposite of what you want.

You want a man near you.  Even when you feel upset.

And in the moment — what’s important is you.

What’s important is being understood and communicating your feelings in a way that he can actually hear.

So that you feel GOT and more than likely he can then focus on fixing the situation.

AND for the cherry on top ~ it brings you closer to him and he wanting to be as close to you as possible!

How great is that?

And yet we get so triggered when a man does something we don’t like.

In the moment, closeness is the last thing we’ve been taught to want when we’re scared.

We’re taught to defend ourselves like a castle with fortresses and cold stone walls and gates and drawbridges and armies of men with swords and pointy spears and flaming arrows.

Somehow we’ve been taught this will keep us safe.  Maybe it even did in the past.  Maybe we watched other people do the same.

But this reaction WILL NOT WORK IN LOVE. It simply will not work IN A RELATIONSHIP.

If we close down, a man’s access to his own heart is also closed.  He can’t get there without you.

Without your heart being open.

He just sees you as an angry hardened woman who he can’t get to.

And that frustrates him and makes him feel like a failure because he wants to make you happy.

Ladies, let me tell you something!

Our hearts, are one of the biggest gifts we have as women.

One of the biggest, fastest, easiest ways to create attraction and keep it going…hot and heavy…

So would you like to learn how to keep things ‘hot and heavy’? even when your starting to feel yourself tighten up? close up?

I call this tool “Put up the spikes”

1. I want you to imagine that harshness you feel, the tightness, that prickliness you feel is coming out of you like spikes —

  • long/ short
  • dull/pointy,
  • thick/ thin,
  • all different kinds from your hands, your face, you arms, your chest, your legs, all over your body.

2. How do you feel? righteous? annoyed? pissed?  pleased with yourself? safe?

3.Now imagine a/your man is in front of you.

What happens when he tries to come toward you? Can he even come toward you?  or is he just backing up and leaving all together?

4. Now notice again how you feel –  Safe? livid? shut down? confused? sad?  Has this feeling changed?

5. Are you really wanting to block this man from you?  If the answer is YES then in your imagination retract your spikes one by one and walk away from the man.

If the answer is NO, imagine retracting your spikes one by one… unzipper your heart… and then just stand there.

In your messy glory.

That is the MOST beautiful, sexy, attractive thing to a man.

Spike free, totally safe with herself. and totally ok with all of the yuck she feels.

You have now become soft and absolutely irresistible.

Enjoy it.

 

Sealed with a kiss,

Amanda

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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