How to get him to notice you

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Here is a GREAT question from Grace that most if not ALL women have experienced before…

How do I get my husband to notice me and acknowledge that I look beautiful or hot in an outfit?

I hear it from friends and the one person I want to hear it from is  him, and I don’t. I have spoken to him about it and his response is you always look beautiful. This makes me feel that he is taking me for granted or he is just being slack.

 

Amanda’s Answer:

OOO your first question is a real juicy one – and I sense a lot of frustration around this one for you.  Maybe even some resentment.  And YEA!!! I get it.

Women are like flowers — we blossom with attention and care.  When we don’t get it — we dry up, feel small and neglected.

And what happens is — when we are with a man in a relationship — we look for him to do this – we make him responsible for this and if he doesn’t — well… we feel resentful and pissed! How dare he!

Just imagining this makes me feel pouty and a litle angry!  I’ll paint a picture for you, tell me if this sounds familiar to you –
imagine dressing in that gorgeous outfit —
feeling so grateful that that new dance class you’re taking every Tuesday makes your butt feel amazing,
your hair looks AWESOME,
and that pimple you have on your chin is FINALLY gone!
You are gorgeous!
Then imagine walking into the room where he is or sitting down in the car next to him.
You’ve made a grand entrance and now there you are looking at him — your butterflies flying around in anticipation of the waterfall of compliments that is sure to come your way..making you feel even prettier and proud!……and then NOTHING!!! not one word!!!
What????
Yep that sucks!
This has absolutely happened to me before …
And for you Grace, it’s been to known to ruin a beautifully planned evening before it even starts or at the very least create tension in the air.
But more importantly this doesn’t make you feel good — so lets change this!!!
Step 1:  The Power of Imagination
Your brain doesn’t know the difference between a real situation and an imagined one so let’s use this!
Imagine this situation with your man.  Put him in front of you. Play it out in your head.
Step 2: Note the feelings that come up for you — anger, sadness, AND any sensations in your body — tightness in the chest, feeling of being punched in the stomach etc.. Allow this to be a sensual experience for you– really feel into it.
Step 3:Get clear on why you want a man to give you a compliment.
Give yourself some time for this.
Get out a journal and start writing.
The first answer that comes up for me would be –“Well that’s his job! That’s what he’s supposed to do!”
But going deeper I see that really –
We want a man to notice us because there is a part of us that wants to please him.
And if we don’t get any response or compliment from him then we feel like we haven’t pleased him!
And that feels awful!!
And by this time, not only are we not feeling pretty or happy anymore – NOW nasty voices in our head are popping out of nowhere and  thoughts are starting to run faster and faster —
“What do i have to do to get a response?  Am I not pretty? Does he not like us anymore? Am i not good enough? Did he like me better when I was this way or that way?”
Step 4: Take a breath, breathe into your belly,  give yourself a squeeze.
Step 5:  Make a compliment list
Write 10 compliments that you have always wanted to hear or wish you heard more often!
For example — You are stunning.  I can’t stop looking at you.  or You are the most beautiful woman in the room or  Damn! You look hot.
Whatever does it for you.
Step 6: What does it for HIM:
Your feminine energy IS what does it for him!

This relaxed, happy, radiant sparkle that is ours by nature.

The way your eyes sparkle.  The way your smile lights up the whole room!  The way your body melts and moves so sensually…

THIS is what lights him up.  THIS is what makes him notice.  THIS is what makes him feel literally so attracted, that he feels COMPELLED to compliment you. And this is where you want to be.

BUT be aware that this compliment might be other than words of praise.
It might be the way he lays his hand on your leg. The way he leans in toward you, the way he gazes at you…
It could be how he passionately makes love to you later, or brings you tea before you go to bed or grabs you close to him and strokes your hair so tenderly.
Men say how they feel in so many different ways.
It’s something that I ABSOLUTELY ADORE about them.  And I invite you to open yourself up to looking at it like this too.
Yes, he MAY notice how great you look at the outside. BUT without the glow behind it, without an OPEN HEART it will only be a passing glance and not nearly noticeable for him to react or speak up.
Your ‘hotness’ to a man is so much deeper than we have been trained to believe.
And you my dear are hot!!  Let’s get those fireworks going! 😉

Sealed with Kiss,

Amanda

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